Holy shit!

Merry Christmas and Frieden auf Erden! What a wish! Oftmals for the trash. There is no kind of Frieden in any Fußgängerzone all over the country. People with very aggressive Gesichtsausdrücke on their way to buy unlovely shit for their Liebsten. Das Fest of love. Verpackt at Douglas. Je teurer desto better. And they are running! For the best tree, the best Geschenk, the best Gans on her bioway to the Backofen. Stopfing the Vogel before stopfing yourself. Neujahr you have to jammering while standing on the Waage and starting with New Years Vorsätze the Brigitte Diät. Nothing to do with loving. It´s only hetzing, kaufing, fressing and Glühwein saufing with or ohne Schuss!

After the time of Vorbereiting the big day is da. The beginning of Besuching. First Eltern then Schwiegereltern, Oma, Opa, Onkel, Tanten. Grinsing, thanking, stressvermeiding.

Frieden auf Erden, so starting schickmaching and Kirchgoing. So important, zu besinnen, nachzuthinken, what´s the Sinn of Christmas? Us is today the Heiland geboren. Modern Inszenierung in the Gotteshaus with Pampers and „Ey Aldaa, Josef! Krasses Kind, Aldaa! Yo Maria, was geht?“ Schpending, goodfühling.

On the Heimweg talking about Bescheidenheit, anfeinding the Konsum geile Gesellschaft. And a team work smiling with kuhäugige Blicke. „We only give us Kleinigkeiten.“

At the Geschenke auspacking comes the Wahrheit ans Licht. A Mount Everest of Geschenkpapier. Filled with Spielekonsolen, Designer-Fummling, Monster High mal drei. Real freuing or gespieltes freuing. „Das wäre doch nicht nötig gewesen!“ instead of „Ist das wirklich nötig gewesen?“

But you have to be nett. Problems at Festivitäten like Christmas with the Verwandschaft sitting you under an emotional Druck.

Christmas punch can handle it. But please have your limit any time for Augen. Otherwise it could be very stressig for everybody. Long overstaute problems came to Tage and then you can smell the Krieg in to the candle pregnant air. Often the schlecht erzogenen children makes the Starschuss. Talking about den little versauten Martin-Sören-Oliver, who wants to build his new Murmelbahn into Lisa-Maries Schlüpfer. Backholding Empöring about the misrating children. Totally drunk Tante Else: „That comes from the Alkohol problem of his Vater with verkrüppelte Spermien. Such themes are the beginning from the Ende.

Next Opfer is Onkel Heiner. He always wants to have it, never get it cause of his little Schwanz. That ist the Grund why his wife Tante Uschi (böse ones who think about Muschi) has a Affaire with the Hasenzüchter Teddy from the next Dorf. Rammeling statt Stummelding. More Punsch ausschenking makes it not better. Brülling, streiting, overcooking. Schimpfing with Oma Ulla because of kleckering Rotwein on the white Auslegeware. Glasholding difficult with Parkinson. Flüstering about the bedauernswerten Zustand. Only Opa Franz ist laching about all the fremde Leute. Sometimes Vergesslichkeit can be the holy shit.

Suddenly someone starts heuling about something and everybody wants trösting, forgetting all the other Mist. Happy that someone is noch schlechter dran. So you have the perfect ending of an unperfect starting, everybody wants to umarming and give a warm Verabschieding with „Frieden auf Erden“!

(c) Sunny Möller

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