Träwelling with Deutsche Bahn – extented version

Freitagnachmittag, Hannover station on my way to Heimathafen Hamburg. All over schlechtgelaunte people, faces like the rainy weather. Send a smile in any direction, successlos…

After einsteiging without Platzreservierung, „Sie müssen hia wech, ich hab räsawiaaaht“, sitting on the Boden directly to the Klo.
A voice of a friendly DB-Mitarbeiter comes out of the Lautsprecher. „Welcome on your Fahrt with Deutsche Bahn to Hamburg! We are totally ausgebooked with besoffene Preweddis and kind of schrullige Rentners with musical cards. The other guys want to go to the ‚Doll House´, escaping from the Hängetitten of their Ehefrauen! Enjoy your Fahrt!“

Nach kurzer Pause, another Durchsage. „The bord restaurant invited all the idiots without Platzreservierung to eat our gepresstes Hähnchenschnitzel an dryfrosted Brokkoligedöns with delicious Tütensauce for the sagenhaften Preis of 16,95! And if you eat you get a Nachlass on the softdrinks. A coke for only 98,60!!!!! We will see us there ihr fucking braindeads!“

After looking in my Geldbörse I decided to stay on the ground! Bad idea! Hear kind of Pupsgeräusche from the potty! The door is not dicht. Smelling übel. Where ist the Wäscheklammer when needed??? My floor neighbour is verziehing the face, counting money and goes to the Hähnchenschnitzel.

The girls from the Junggesellinnenabschied open the third Mumm-alles andere kann warten-bottle and start to sing versaute Lieder a la „Ja, die rutzdifutz die Möse schwitzt, weil sie zu nah am Arschloch sitzt…“ no Übersetzung for this one!!! They wear kind of drollige dresses like Wurst in Pelle. Last fun weekend before marriage!

A baby starting screeming, changes his Gesichtsfarbe from red to blue, colors of the sommer.

Suddenly the ICE makes a horrible Vollbremsung, something is knalling, luggage and Reisetaschen falling all over the Gänge. Selfmurderer, entgleising??? Angst and unsureness is making sich breit. The sugarbrides stand stockstill and some of the Rentners starting a short Vaterunser.

The train´s driving slowly wieder an. Somebody press the Playtaste. Das Leben geht weiter. More important things happened. The president of the US schwitzte hinter Panzerglas and put his jacket off and say du to Angie, best friends! Anyone is you for Obama, only nebenbei!

Last Durchsage for today: „We arrived Hamburg in a few minutes. We are verrrry sorrry foa the Verspätung von allover 30 minutes, no one gets their Anschlüsszüge! But wi sänk ju for träwelling with Deutsche Bahn and eating our überteuertes Hähnchenschnitzel!“

I´m not interesting in Anschlusszügen! I´m at home!!!!

© Sunny Möller